


RicStar Watch Deadpool 2

by DarkeAngelus



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Deadpool (Movieverse), Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe, X-Factor (Comics), X-Force (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Breaking Up & Making Up, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Canon Gay Relationship, Chimichangas, Deadpool being Deadpool, Humor, M/M, Not Quite Spoilers, Screw you 20th Century Fox, Sorry Not Sorry, Swearing, Tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-08 22:04:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14703312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkeAngelus/pseuds/DarkeAngelus
Summary: I decided to take a page from Wade's 'breaking the fourth wall' playbook and let him have some fun at Rictor and Shatterstar's expense as they're dragged -unwillingly- into Deadpool's world as represented by the May 18 Deadpool 2 movie.





	RicStar Watch Deadpool 2

It all started approximately one year ago. 

Rictor had been on Tumblr uploading a new series of pictures when he discovered he had a new follower. He kept tracks of things like that because, when he first started posting random photos of Shatterstar doing random Shatterstar “stuff”, he had no idea that there was a world out there interested in that kind of shit. But there were. _Thousands_ of them, in fact. 

The very first picture he posted was of Star doing one of his patented gravity-defying, full-bodied one-finger push-ups. He was new to the social media site and was very careful to use photoshop first to blur Star’s face and crop any identifiable landmarks that could be used to figure out where they lived. If recent events had taught him anything, it was that the government and other shady organizations liked to troll the internet and social networking platforms in search of mutants. With Star’s teleportation ability, he soon realized it didn’t really matter what the background was and, besides, the landscapes were kind of part of the charm. 

Star hanging upside-down on one of the arms of the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio? Check. 

Star doing a handstand in the foyer of the Taj Mahal? Check. 

Star doing a seemingly impossible contortion while dangling precariously over a portion of the Great Wall of China? Check. 

Star holding a “GRAB THIS GUY BY THE PUSSY” sign while in the background of one of President Donald J. Trump’s rallies? Check. 

(That one was Julio’s favorite for a number of reasons.) 

It was all meant as a joke. A way to pass the time as the pair readjusted to Earth after that Mojoworld debacle and it became a sort of a hobby. As the number of followers grew for “RicStar.tumblr.com” so started the suggestions from friends and it became a weird sort of way for the pair to interact with the world again, but exclusively on their own terms. Star’s video of juggling six daggers while sitting on the back of a pissed-off burro was just the start of it. He took on a variety of crazy suggestions while Julio was content to stay out of the limelight and film him. He enjoyed doing it almost as much as the alien did. Star was born and bred to entertain and a part of him was relishing showing off in a way that didn’t have to involve bloodshed. 

Their tumblr account had followers in the five digits so, when ‘Chimichangas4life’ began to follow, Ric just had the thought of “good taste” and continued on his way. 

It was during one afternoon while he was texting with Boom Boom that Chimichangas4life opened up the message screen with one word that got his attention.  
  
_“rictor”_  

Frowning, Ric typed, _“???!!!”_ and hit ‘Send’. 

 _“u rictor?”_ came the response. There was a long pause, followed by: _“themutantthatdoesntknowrictorisspelledRICHTER?”._  

Then: _“prettystupidconsideringyourpowers”._  

And more: _“howslifetreatingyouboys?”_ This was followed by two eggplant emojis. 

 _“Who the fuck is this?!”_ Julio typed in anger. 

All he got back was a cell phone number. 

With a huff, he sat back in his chair, Boomer forgotten, as his eyes roved over the tangle of words on the screen. He glanced out of the window and then at his watch. Shatterstar was out for a jog and would be back soon. Maybe he should wait for him to come back? 

“Screw it,” he grumbled and reached for the satellite phone. It was Stark tech and had an encryption blocker that guaranteed nobody on earth could trace his signal. It was one of the many perks Star had managed to finagle out of Tony as a result of all that 198 bullshit he’d put him, Domino and Caliban through a few years back. 

There was chance that maybe this was somebody _outside_ of earth which, in his relatively young life, wasn’t entirely outside of the realm of possibility, but he was willing to take the risk to satisfy his curiosity. 

He dialed the number and promptly had _“¡HOLA!”_ blasted into his left ear. 

“Ow! Christ!” Ric howled. “Who _is_ this?!” 

 _“I’ll give you one guess,”_ the voice taunted and it sounded wrong. It reminded Ric of Demi Moore, but not the sexy Demi Moore from “Ghost”. It was more like a heavy-drinking, chain-smoking variant. _“What’s red and black and pink in the-”_  

“Wade-fucking-Wilson,” Rictor said. “Deadpool.” 

_“Ding! Ding! If I had a _piñata,_ I guarantee you’d get all the prizes right after I whacked the shit out of it. And by whacked, I really mean-” _

“What the hell do you want?” Ric interrupted. “Why are you trolling my Tumblr account? That’s creepy as hell even for you.” 

 _“How else am I gonna keep tabs on all my favorite mutant friends?”_  

“We’re not friends, cabron. You and me have never even met.” 

 _“Yeah, well, whatever. As an X-men, I like to-”_  

“Trainee.” 

 _“Huh?”_  

“You’re not an X-Man. Last I heard, you’re just a trainee.” 

This was apparently a sore spot for Deadpool and Ric was smirking when he heard: “ _Oh, fuck you, Rictor! What the hell do you know about it? You’re too busy playing Magnum P.I. with the rest of the Suicide Squad!”_  

“X-Factor closed shop. Try to stay in the loop.” 

 _“That would explain why the building’s in ruins.”_  

“Wait. You were there?” 

 _“I was looking for you. Well, not_ you- _you. I could give two shits about_ youyouyou _. I was looking for Shatterstar.”_  

The pair had rumbled twice in the past and, on both occasions, Star had come out on the losing end. It wasn’t something he liked to talk about. “Believe me. You’re the last person Star wants to talk to.” 

 _“Oh, come on! So I put him in his place a couple of times. It builds character! He needed to get his ass whipped. Hey, speaking of ass whipping, is it true that you and him are-?”_  

“I’m not talking about that with you.” 

 _“Y’know? With that accent, you sound sexy as hell. Got any dick pics?"_  

“Wade, I swear to God, I’m gonna hang up!” 

 _“Okay! Okay! I didn’t wanna call, but my lawyer insisted I had to do it.”_  

Rictor rubbed his eyes with his hand. “Your lawyer? Since when have you had a lawyer?” 

 _“Since that Deadpool movie last year.”_  

“That was a hoot,” Ric admitted. “Ryan Reynolds sure nailed you. Not gonna lie.” 

 _“Oh, please. Anytime the costume was on, that was me playing the part. They just dubbed Reynolds’ voice over my action scenes. You think they were gonna risk that pretty boy in any dangerous stunts?”_  

“You’re shitting me.” 

 _“The budget was on a shoestring. The CGI gobbled up most of it on that shitty Colossus look-alike. The real Russki refused to guest-star! They couldn’t afford a stuntman who could pull off my cool moves, so I stepped up to the plate.”_  

“Bull. Shit. You weren’t even listed in the credits.” 

 _“I was incognito, dumbass! You think Fox was gonna gamble on making a mutant movie based on a real live mutant? It took them five years before they finally agreed to commit to the project! I let Reese and Wernick take credit for the screenplay in exchange for a percentage of the box office.”_  

Ric slumped down in his seat. “Christ. That movie grossed over half a billion bucks.” 

 _“Ka-ching!”_ Deadpool chimed in happily. 

For the sake of his sanity, Julio decided to get back to business. “What do you want?” 

 _“Right. See, I caught some flak from the real Colossus for using his likeness without his permission. Negasonic was cool with it. Hell, she’s looked after my kid so we’re-”_  

“A kid? You’ve got a kid?!” 

 _“Yep. A daughter. Eleanor. Cute as a button. Anyway, like I was saying, I had to get a lawyer to settle things with ol’ chrome balls and now, with a second movie in the works, I was ‘advised by counsel’ to contact all the mutants we’re gonna use in the sequel.”_

“Fuck you, Wade! There ain’t no way I’m gonna be in your shitty movie. You get me? For that matter, any stupid actor who looks remotely Mexican is off limits!” 

 _“I get it. Real sorry you got screwed over in that Logan flick, kid.”_  

It was at this moment that Julio had to remind himself that the mercenary was actually, certifiably batshit crazy. “What?” 

 _“Never mind. Difference franchise. Listen, you’re not in the sequel, okay?”_  

“Oh.” For some strange reason, Ric felt oddly disappointed. 

 _“But, Shatterstar is. He’s being played by an Asian with a really shitty wig.”_  

It was at this point that Rictor began to mentally zone-out even as Deadpool was still rambling away in his ear, “We’ve got Domino. The clown from ‘IT’ is playing Zeitgeist, who I don’t need to contact since he’s dead. Lucky me. Terry Crews is playing Bedlam, but not ‘King’ Bedlam, so I’m not sure how the copyright works there-” 

Ric was seeing a distinct pattern. “It sounds like your putting together some mishmash of X-Force.” 

 _“That’s right. I form X-Force in this film. Damn, you’re smart.”_  

“Cable formed X-Force. Mine and Star’s X-Force. The ORIGINAL goddamned X-Force!” 

 _“Great that you brought up Cable. He’s in the movie, too.”_  

Ric visibly faltered. “The... _real_ Cable?” 

 _“Are you shitting me? Naw, Nate’s back to doing his old Terminator bullshit. He signed off on it, though. He said if I fucked it up, he could always go back in time and undo it, so we’re cool.”_  

“Just a minute. Back up. You said Domino was in this thing?” 

 _“Not the real one, either. She told me to fuck off, so we had to settle with a black actress with a white splotch painted around her left eye. Looks like hell.”_ He started snickering. 

“That sounds like a complete opposite of her look.” 

 _“It is!”_ Wade burst out laughing. _“And the hair-!”_ The mercenary broke off into uncontrollable peals of laughter. 

Rictor wished he could join in, but the entire conversation was too surreal. “Man, she’s going to put a hit on you.” 

 _“Naw. Neena loves me. She’ll come around. Eventually... maybe. Uhm, I just might enroll her in the fruit of the month club to soothe things over. Or, how about flowers? Does she like flowers?”_  

“She likes to shoot flowers,” Ric told him. “It sounds like all the mutants who aren’t cooperating with you are getting fucked over. Why are you screwing with Star’s look? What’s he ever done to you besides be your punching bag?” 

There was long pause, remarkable given who it was Ric was talking to, before Wade said in a more serious tone, _“You’ll thank me for it.”_  

“What the hell are you talking about?” 

 _“Seriously, kid, aside from the names it’s for the best we play it this way. You’ll see when the movie comes out.”_  

“There isn’t anyway in hell I’ll ever go see your shitty movie!” Ric said and hung up. 

Almost a year to the day, Ric and Star were sitting together in a packed-to-capacity theater on the opening night of Deadpool 2. At this point, the two of them were trying to work on their strained relationship and this seemed to be something neutral they could both agree to attend. Besides, Star was still miffed over that brunch incident when Rictor, Rahne and Boom Boom had teleported away without any explanation and left him behind to pay the bill**. It seemed a fair compromise and Rictor bought the tickets well in advance so he wouldn’t be disappointed. Again. 

Star had come a long way on earth, but movie theaters were still hard on his nerves and senses. There were too many humans, the volume was too loud, the smells were overpowering, and the large screen made his eyes ache (the one time he wore 3D glasses, he got a headache). To his credit, he was weathering things pretty well even if he didn’t laugh when everyone else did. Ric betrayed a muted chuckle from time to time. He couldn’t help it. Some of the shit _was_ funny. 

And then, roughly fifty-four minutes into the movie, came The Scene. 

“Za’s vid!” Shatterstar shouted in horror. “Who the fekt is _that?!”_  

Head’s turned to stare at him. Rictor began slipping lower in his seat while putting a hand over his face. 

“And who the fekt is Rusty?!” Star shouted again. 

People hissed at him to be quiet. Ric put a hand on his forearm to prevent him from leaping over the rows of people and physically slash the screen with his fingernails. Thank god, he had left his sword gauntlets back at the X-Mansion. “Dude, it’s okay. It’s just a movie.” 

“But-!” The alien gestured wordlessly at the screen. 

“Just chill. I don’t think you’ll have to suffer for long.” It was just a gut instinct, but he was glad it was true. Seven minutes later, it was all over. 

For the rest of the movie, Star just sat immobile and Ric didn’t know what to do or say. He felt horrible and helpless and insanely furious. He resolved that when he was back with the Hatchi Corporation team, he was going to ask Karma for permission to hunt Deadpool down. What he’d do if they caught him, Julio wasn’t sure but, looking at Star’s profile; so carefully frozen so that it didn’t betray any emotion at all, he vowed it was going to be painful. Even if they were on a break, even if they were trying to sort out the problems they had, Star would always be his best friend and Julio Richter was a man who fought for his friends. 

When the movie ended on an unbelievably paradoxical note that managed to make their recent jaunt in Mojoworld look rational, they shuffled out of the theater along with the rest. The others were jabbering in excitement, but Rictor was pissed and he was keeping a close eye on Shatterstar who was being terrifyingly silent. It wasn’t until they were standing outside that Star stopped dead in his tracks. He blinked hard. 

“... Star?” Ric eyed him warily. 

As if coming out of a spell, the alien looked at him and suddenly burst out laughing. 

To say Rictor was stunned was an understatement. “Star? What the hell?” 

“I _finally_ got the Basic Instinct reference! He was being Sharon Stone!” He reached out blindly for the side of the building for support and brayed laughter. For once in his life, standing among the rest of the raucous moviegoers, he actually fit in. Others were laughing, too. 

Rictor was surprised to find he was starting to join him, more from relief than the movie. He had thought *that scene* had somehow broken him. “You asshole! Is that why you were so quiet?” He managed to get out between gales of laughter. 

“I forgot about that movie. The context was driving me crazy. Sha-Sharon-” he couldn’t finish the sentence. By now, he was practically wheezing. Rictor grabbed onto him and the two held each other until the hilarity tapered off into chuckles. 

“You really had me worried,” Julio admitted, smiling up at the taller man. He had never looked more handsome than he did in that instance. When was the last time Star had let his guards down so completely? It made Ric wonder why they had broken up in the first place. 

“I understand parody. I was shocked, I won’t lie, but-” He betrayed a rare grin that made Ric’s heart flutter. “It is funny upon reflection.” 

“Fucking Wade,” Ric said, but there was no heat in his voice. Not anymore. “Listen, you up for something to eat?” 

Star quirked a tawny eyebrow as he looked back at him. “Are you going to stuff me with the check again?” 

“Stiff. It’s ‘stiff you with the check’ and no, I’m not gonna do that to you. C’mon.” He grabbed Star’s hand and they walked like that across the street to a restaurant. “Any idea on what you want?” 

“Chimichangas,” Star said, and that set them off again.

**Author's Note:**

> **New Mutants:Dead Souls #2


End file.
